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(this is not a spoof of a leading right wing tabloid associated with Nazism, a Snail may sound like Mail but clearly a snail is a spineless mollusc which leaves a trail of disgusting slime anywhere it goes, which is clearly in no way similar to such a newspaper, its staff or owners) |
The Daily Snail it's all printed in bold because it is bold |
publishing nonsense since 1944 for the mentally challenged Our motto: "asylum seeking terrorist politically correct liberals out of our countrium." Feb 2008 2p (UK) |
Huge shock horror headline: Aliens are Foreigners too! |
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It's true, aliens have landed on Earth in 2008. Proclaiming peace they are clearly here to take over. The Daily Snail has been at the forefront of a True British campaign to oppose immigration, asylum seekers, unemployment seekers, beggars and unemployed beleavers. But there is now an estimated flood of billions of aliens from another planet which our leftist government is only too happy to receive. Traitors! Hang them! Hang them! Our silver bullet solution consistently proposed in this newspaper is to hang them all! Every last one of those paedophile, in bred aliens who don't even follow the laws of physics, what to talk about British laws and want us to 'accept them as their friends'. Like we believe that. |
Clearly this is their alien code for saying they want to invade and eat us all for dinner! What a dog's dinner! They want to impose on us their code of peaceful coexistence which is diammetrically opposed to everything this newspaper has always stood for and therefore what Britain stands for. The Queen! Why can't they follow historical British values (not sure if that's a good idea because it could be taken to involve invading countries and imposing your system on them.. ed)! One alien interviewed by us shows their true intentions. Talking about what he planned to do now he had landed on Earth (that's if he really was a he, well you never know these liberal cosmopolitan days... humbug) the 'space travelled unchallenged' (as those nasty evil Stalinist political correction people say... the Daily Snail says: hang them... hang them all) alien said he wanted to get a house. There's already no houses in Britain, recent research made up by the Daily Snail showed that Britain only has one house in the entire area of the Great United Kingdom which every asylum seeking, single mother, evil corrupt Russian oligarchical businessman with a perchant for breaking into your houses wearing a hoodie who are taking your children away, (pause for breath from rant.. ed) is trying to take away from you, and if the Scots have their way then that house will be carted |
there and then there will be nowhere for us true Brits who follow true British values (well basically me and my mate Geoffrey who run this newspaper) to live and we'll be forced to lose our jobs as the aliens take over the paedophile infested, asylum seeking, single mum, bishops who run our country now and we don't have a say (well no one actually listens to us... can't think why ed.) Aliens are already in possession of weapons of mass destruction that could potentially be used to make hair spray which means the paedophile, asylum seeking, immigrant aliens will one day take away all our hairdressing industry and then there will be even more sponging asylum seeking single mothers who came to this country yesterday and don't even buy Britain's greatest newspaper (the Daily Snail of course), possibly because they can't spell werds cerrectly like does us proper English types of the right (as opposed to wrong) wing of this great country... God save the King (he was an asylum seeker as well so he probably was just a sponge on the state which we don't like anyway but it will have to do until they give me a seat in the Lords, which I will never attend because its full of mass murdering asylum seeking terrorist aliens who are all claiming the dole while doing three jobs at once). |